I’m back online after what feels like an age without a computer – mine has given up the ghost following an unfortunate incident with Dettol and someone-who-shall-not-be-named. Luckily we were able to back up the data, but essentially my motherboard is corroded to oblivion and beyond and so has essentially made it’s way to Macbook heaven. Sighburger.
Oh well. So I’m on a borrowed laptop and getting used to weird touchpads! So I’ve spent the last couple of hours catching up on blog love. What this has resulted in is a serious case of blog/life envy. That horrid beast.
It’s part pain part pleasure – I love blogs like I loved magazines. I adore looking and reading beautiful things, but when the article ends somehow I feel my life isn’t quite up to scratch. What am I doing wrong? Why am I working a job that doesn’t pay as well as hers? Why does my house look more charity-shop-cheap than retro-vintage-stylin’? Why why WHY? It seems violently unfair.
So I go a little deeper. Of course people blog the best bits of their life – I’m guilty of it too! I want to be seen as having a marvellous charmed life, and to the most part I do. I write for an amazing magazine, I make things, I dress up old-style and I love and have someone who loves me. But the other part exists too. The part where I can’t be bothered to brush my teeth, or my iron is covered in black crap and my skin is thowing a mutiny in a prime position just to spite me. Life isn’t perfect, and neither am I. This blog isn’t perfect, but I’m hoping it reflects a part of me and my life.
Earlier in the year I read How To Be A Woman by Caitlin Moran. I was ready not to get caught up in the hype, but in honesty I found it incredibly moving and reassuring. I’d forgotten that being a woman means being so many different things, but being accountable to yourself has to be right up the top. It was a real celebration of feminism, and something I would proudly recommend. In a way it gave me permission (horrible as that seems!) to actually be a real, three-dimensional person and let people see my flaws. It’s horrendous pretending to be perfect and you always fail.
My life is really amazing. At the moment it feels like six lives, and I admit that I am struggling to keep them all under the one roof. A really important life of mine has become incredibly demanding recently and I feel a bit as if I’m drowning under the weight of my own expectations. I hate not feeling in control, or at the very least competent and I’m not feeling that way now. So I need to readjust my priorities and focus a little more on that life right now. Change is coming, and this too shall pass.
So this is my mission statement to you: on this blog, you’re going to see the excellent bits of my life. You’re going to see the funs things I do, and the great experiences I have. But you’re also (probably) going to hear about it when things don’t quite go so right, or when I embarrass myself or even when I fail, look ugly, or god-forbid look fat. Because sometimes I do all of those things, but I also manage to have a fucking good time. Isn’t that what it’s all about in the end?